Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Importance of Listening



As we grow older and (in some ways) more intelligent, it is easy to forget that there is still so much left to learn. Conversation becomes less about learning, less about listening to the other person and more about simply waiting for you turn to talk.

It is easy to love the sound of your own voice. We spend so much time mulling over our own thoughts, opinions and stories, that we imagine voicing them takes priority over listening to the thoughts, opinions and stories of others. We forget that listening is the basis for true growth and development in kindness and love.

Listening opens up our minds and hearts to the other individual. It shows that we care. Failing to listen demonstrates disregard and disinterest. Through the simple activity of listening one can become a kinder, wiser and more caring individual.

Here are some simple active listening exercises you could try:

-       Mentally try and repeat what they are saying back to yourself so that you are actively attempting to understand what they mean.
-       After they've spoken, if there are doubts lingering, don’t be afraid to ask for clarifications.
-       Maintain regular eye contact with the speaker so that you don't drift off into your own thoughts. Maintaining eye contact also lets the other person know you are listening.

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Friday, August 12, 2011

Being a Friend & What if kindness is the only rule?

Ever since we started thinking about kindness more, from reading ELP's  blog and considering what this meant in terms of our Social Competency view of our world here at Greerton, we have been writing more about this for our children and families. We realised how important 'kindness' was in the way our whole learning and teaching culture played out. As teachers we wanted to model this and it has been so fabulous to see this happening. As with research journeys we are so often surprised and we were not expecting to see the way leadership was enhanced. We think children have a real sense of what is just and fair and when they are immersed in a culture of fairness, in its many shapes and forms, they will promote this way of being to each other. The learning stories we have written show this time and again.

Here is the learning story in an easy to read format!

What if kindness is the only rule?

Ash, isn’t it just as well we don’t have locked doors! Our children know they own this place, just as much as the adults and that we trust you! Otherwise you couldn’t have got those special things for James from the sleep room! This is just one more example of how thoughtful you are and how creatively you approach problems. I wonder, as this disposition increases over time and you use it in other contexts, if this means you will be a thoughtful, engaging leader who knows his team well and  ensures they are all able to stretch their talents. I certainly saw an example of this today!

Ash, you stunned me today and I felt compelled to write this story down because, for so many reasons, these are the ones worth telling!

I was sitting on the couch cuddling James, who was very sad because he had just fallen over and hurt himself. Do you know Ash, nothing that I was doing was helping. The tears streamed down his face and sobs shook his whole body. I looked around to see where his special key teacher was because I knew I didn’t know James well enough to help in this kind of crisis and thought Jo would make him feel better, faster. And then, Ash you were there! You had sized up the whole situation, had gone into the sleep room, collected James’ dummy and loved blanket and in the twinkling of an eye you were offering these to him. He looked up, breathed a deep, deep hick-up-y sigh and accepted your gift. Immediately he felt better, his breathing slowed and he relaxed. You waited around a little bit to check all was well and then off you went about your own plans, like a humble hero fading back into a crowd. Your plans, by the way, are so very often full of grit as you put your whole effort and attention into solving the problems you set yourself, so taking time out to help a friend is a strong measure of how much you value making sure your friends feel ok.

What  more did I learn about you today Ash?


Do you know Ash, we write many learning stories here at Greerton about things the teachers feel are important. We call it finding the magic because we want these stories to build a picture for  you and your whanau, of the kind of learner you are. We want you to know, now and just as importantly into the future, that the learning goals you set yourself, the skills you practice and the dispositions that drive your desire to keep going, even when the learning is hard, began very early in your life. We think that these stories are very powerful as you revisit them and retell them as time goes on. Stories like the way you imaginatively solved a tricky problem, or pushed yourself to the edge of your skill levels through being brave, persistent, creative and imaginative. Your folder is full of these exploits and these ways of learning. Teachers love this kind of writing but just as importantly, we want to tell the heart stopping stories of kindness, thoughtfulness and care. This is what I saw today. Out of nowhere, Ash you rescued your friend and me! You stopped what you were doing because you saw a friend in need. These are the moments that matter in life and when people like you Ash, react to someone’s distress, in this way, the world is a kinder place.

It made me think of a special author called Vivien Gussin Paley who wrote a book called The Kindness of Children. She couldn’t see how people could continue to have fun when there was someone amongst them who was sad and Ash, neither could you! I’m so glad that our assessment of your learning is not limited to skills alone. Our vision here at Greerton is to tell and reflect on the stories that make a difference to learning in its fullest sense. That’s how we grow our community of learners and teachers.

Greerton Early Childhood Centre
Lorraine Sands
March 2011


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Friday, June 3, 2011

He Tama Pumahara

Many thanks to Awhi Whanau Early Childhood Centre for contributing the very thoughtful story to the kindness blog. The story is so deeply embedded with Māori values made visible by Thelma and embedded in her analysis of the story, ātaahua Thelma. 







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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Pipiana's kindness to Nana - A Learning Story



Pipiana Discovers Eyelashes
Pipiana your favorite book at the moment is Puff the Magic Dragon. I have read it to you lots of times. Your book comes with a CD and though you are quite capable of playing the CD for yourself you would much rather have my company, the comfort of my body and the slight off key-ness of my singing.You are very complimentary to your Nana. I love to cuddle up to you when we share books too.

As I read the Puff book you kept pointing to Puff’s eyes. I noticed your fascination as you found and stroked his eyes on every page. I said “Here, Nana’s eye too” and I stroked my eye. You pointed to your eye and said ‘eye’. I held your little finger and brushed it on my eyelashes. You laughed. It tickled both of us and we giggled again. I brushed your eyelashes very gently and then you stroked your own. Then we had some 'butterfly kisses' - the ones where we flutter our eyelashes together. We tickled each other with our eyelashes. Squirmy, wriggly and wormy up close eyelash to eyelash - Haha! such eyelash fun.
What a discovery - eyelashes. You went back to look at Puff and in your own questioning way looked for Puff’s eyelashes.
Does Puff have eyelashes? Do dragons have eyelashes ? We looked and looked - you ran your finger over the illustration and studied his eyes very closely. To my amazement you decided there were some eyelashes on Puff. They were the ever so feint strokes of the illustrator's pen that your imagination made in to eyelashes. You smiled up at me with the satisfaction of your discovery and your question answered - Yes! Puff has eyelashes.
That quick little finger then came back to my eyes, searching out my eyelashes again. When your pointed finger missed my eyelashes and made contact with my eyeball I flinched and drew back from your finger. Quick as a wink that finger found your own eye and with a feigned poke - you flinched and looked back with a sad look on your face too. Mirroring my emotion and the sadness my face you reached to my face and stroked it ever so softly. Smiling at each other we both felt better. I think you were saying ‘Aroha mai, Nan’. I love you my little mokopuna.

What I learnt about Pipiana; You absolutely love books and reading. It is one of your favorite things to do. You choose the exact books you want to read. You love flap books too. Maisey and Spot are other favourites. You enquire and answer your own questions.
I learnt that you are empathetic and kind. You let me know that you understood that it hurts to have your eye poked and you wanted to help me feel better. And... I did feel better, thanks to your kind strokes on my face.
Who would have believed this is possible from an 18 month old baby?

Mummy tells me still love to read about Puff and you are continuing your interest in eyes and eyelashes. You have been observing Mummy putting on her mascara and now you insist on doing some for yourself. Goodness me.


Professor Alison Gopnik in her book the Philosophical Baby says that “We used to think that babies and young children were irrational, egocentric, immediate and limited. In fact, psychologists and neuroscientists have discovered that babies not only learn more, care more and experience more than we ever could have thought possible. In some ways, young children are actually smarter, more imaginative, more caring and even more conscious that adults are”.(p.5) Also that “... love itself depends on knowledge and imagination. For babies, who are so utterly helpless and dependent, no theory is as important as the theory of love. From the time they are very small babies are figuring out these theories of love, based on what they see the caregivers around them do and say. And these theories in turn shape the way these babies will care for their own children when they grow up”. (p.247)
From Nana with Love. April 2011



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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Healing Power of Music


Recently I have read and article on ‘Raising Kind Children’ by Janet Clark, Susan Gable and Ibtisam Barakat. They talk strongly about the capacity that children are born with to act kindly and with compassion. More importantly they discuss the vital role of adults around children to model kindness and compassion if they are going to continue to act in kind and caring way. When Guy Claxton says so powerfully we must always be at our ‘learning best’, I am immediately drawn to the view that if we are to build strong, caring and compassionate communities then we must all be at our ‘compassionate’ best when we are with children ! Julie is without a doubt a teacher who so wonderfully teaches those around her about kindness and compassion. Here is a lovely learning story she has given to us to share on the ‘Kindness Blog’.


The Healing Power of Music

Ashlee loves to sing, and I discovered this very soon after her starting  with us at Stanmore Bay Kindergarten. There she was at the play dough table singing sweetly to her self “Skinny marinky” I joined her and we did a duet, we have delighted many of our visitors to the kindergarten with our Skinny marinky duet-its a very lovely welcoming song, and Ashleigh has such a sweet clear voice.
The other day Ashleigh slipped over and hurt her leg. We had a hug and then a little while after she was still a bit sad about her leg and asked me to sing it a song. “Sure!” I said and I scooped her up for a hug and sang a song to the hurt  leg. The song went something like this “Dear little leg, I’m sorry that your hurt, I hope you feel better soon, I love you little leg, I know you’ll feel better soon.”
This cheered Ashleigh up. A little later in the morning I heard the sound of crying by the slide, Kobe had found himself under a pile of friends who had tumbled down the slide together. I sat down and was giving him a hug when Ashleigh came over “He needs a song” she said “Yes, I think that would be great-can you sing a song for him?” Ashleigh sang the sweetest little song that went something like this “Dear Little Kobe, I’m sorry that your sad, dear little Kobe, you’ll feel better soon, dear little Kobe” It was so sweet, I was so sorry I didn’t have the camera or a voice recorder with me!
Since that day there has been more marvelous songs created. Ashleigh improvised a song for the dead goldfish at its funeral, and while she was drumming she created a two and a half minute long improvised song about a puffer fish going up and down-I know it was two and a half minutes because I filmed it! I can so see her in a band when she’s older! I want to be known as the person who recorded one of her first songs!!!!

What learning is happening here and how can we support it?

Ashleigh has the most wonderful spirit, she is loving and outgoing and she expresses herself fully through all she does-especially singing. I thought it was very kind of Ashleigh to empathize with Kobe’s pain and sing him a song. This isn’t the first time I have been really touched by Ashleigh’s sensitivity and kindness.
I will continue to encourage Ashleigh in her song making. I will see if she would like to make a music video of her songs, we could incorporate art and moving footage, maybe we could use garage band to add some percussion! Maybe I will call her over the next time someone hurts themselves and ask her to sing one of her special healing songs!

“Being a singer is a natural gift. It means I'm using to the highest degree possible the gift that God gave me to use. I'm happy with that.” Aretha Franklin

“Music is the purest form of art... therefore true poets, they who are seers, seek to express the universe in terms of music... The singer has everything within him. The notes come out from his very life. They are not materials gathered from outside.” Tagore



This learning story was written by Julie Killick is currently the Head Teacher at Stanmore Bay Kindergarten in the Northern Auckland Kindergarten Association.

What are the ways you are building a strong moral community in your early childhood setting? Are the values of kindness, caring and compassion visible in your place?

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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A little kindness goes a long way!

The following is a lovely contribution to our 'Kindness Blog' by Julie Killick:

A little kindness goes a long way doesn't it! An act of kindness doesn't have to be a huge thing to make my day, I notice and appreciate little things which put a smile on my face and a skip in my step, kindness sort of oils up life and makes everything run more smoothly. Its great to be on the receiving end of an act of kindness but it feels just as good to be dishing it out.
There is a saying worth bearing in mind "If I'm not for myself who will be for me, if I'm not for others what am I for?" I think this is a great little proverb because it speaks of balance. My Mother was such an incredibly kind and generous person, she would give anyone anything! Sometimes though I wondered if she could have been a little kinder to herself, but I think she was influenced by the gender expectations of the society she was brought up in, where woman saw their role as putting everyone else's needs before their own. Maybe today our world is a little more balanced? Personally think there is a still a long way to go for gender equality!
Anyhow, back to balance, I think its worth bearing in mind, and of course if we are loving towards ourselves we are far more likely to be loving and kind to others!
So is kindness all about fluffy ducks and warm fuzzy feelings? I say not always! I think sometimes the kind thing to do is to be brave and raise the issue that has come between you and a friend and caused a disruption in your relationship. Kindness to me means I care about you and our friendship enough to sort out what has come between us, instead of tossing you out of my heart and letting resentments build. Sometimes I manage it and sometimes I don't!
At our Kindergarten in Stanmore Bay we declared March the month of marvelousness! We wanted to create more of a culture of appreciation in a fun and playful way. As a teaching team we decided to look out for anything each other, the children or parents did that we thought was a little bit marvelous, and compliment the person. We put up signs in the bathroom saying things like "Tell someone they are marvelous today! And be your most marvelous self, and Beauty all around us-MARVELOUS!" etc. Giving and receiving feedback on the marvelous moments has done a little bit of magic in our team, brought more laughter and kindled more kindness.
As a kindergarten teacher I have the privilege of witnessing many moments in a day when children show kindness to other children and adults around them. I hope you enjoy this learning story about Matthew cheering Leo on! Children are our teachers-lets be encouraged by this lesson and cheer ourselves and others on and bring a little more kindness into the world!

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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Looking after others!

Here is a learning story documented by Judy Barnes at the Papatoetoe Kindergarten in Auckland. This lovely event celebrates Claire's thoughtfulness and kindness in caring for Mave.


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